6/12/10 Rodney, MI (HAIKU REVIEW)

Once upon a time, I wrote haiku reviews for every show I played. I would usually wait a month or two to see what details about the show stuck out in my mind. This time, I got too far behind. The last recorded Haiku Review from me is from August 2008. I will now attempt to go back in time and catch some of the shows from the past year so that I can try to be current again. Prepare to be Haikooed.

10/4/08 - Albany, GA: The Rock Fest
Finally brought a band
Orange shirts and inflatables
Were all we could see

10/11/08 - Bowling Green, KY
House concert at church
My son in the next room made
Flatulent noises

10/18/08 - Savannah, GA
New friends from The Well
To ghost tour or to go eat
That is the question

11/01/08 - Canton, GA: Andy & The Andys
My tattered bandmates
Severed toe and bandaged ear
Fear I might be next

1/16/09 - Tampa, FL
The house of Cricket
Great place for enchiladas
And weird mannequins

1/17/09 - Orlando, FL
The classic question
Joining some guys disc golfing
"Hey, are you a cop?"

1/18/09 - Orlando, FL
Some neighbors are nice
Some drive you to the airport
Some sacrifice goats

2/07/09 - Tallahassee, FL
In route to retreat
World's smallest police station
Is just a phone booth

2/20/09 - Green Bay, WI
Don't know if you know
But winter in Wisconsin
Is pretty darn cold

2/21/09 - Plover, WI
A decade of shows
Finally back where I started
In a Catholic church

2/27/09 - Olympia, WA
For the past few years
Olympia was my turf
Now I have to share

3/07/09 - Lenoir City, TN
After my first song
"You have any Jesus songs?"
yelled my first heckler

3/08/09 - Knoxville, TN
I know what she meant
But phrase it differently than
"This boy needs touchin'"

3/20/09 - Raleigh, NC
I love my children
But nights like these remind me
Why we leave them home

3/22/09 - Carmel, IN
Afternoon concert
Leaves time to talk disc golf
And orienteering

3/23/09 - Charlotte, NC
Concerts in classrooms
I guess it is better than
Having to study

3/28/09 - Leawood, KS
Living on the edge
Late for show + big snowstorm
Makes for crazy ride

4/02/09 - Terre Haute, IN
Forget the sound check
I found a couple of guys
To play disc golf with

4/10/09 - Lake Butler, FL
Snuck out to Shiloh
To play some horseshoes with Ben
And rock on the porch

4/11/09 - Gulf Shores, AL
I went for a run
Then some drunk punk college spring breaker tried to start a fight with me
Then I ran faster

4/15/09 - Jonesboro, AR
Girls in the front row
"They Danced Alone" made you cry
Sorry I mocked you

4/16/09 - Birmingham, AL
I don't remember
Exactly what the meal was
Just that it was good

4/19/09 - Knoxville, TN
Zig zag squiggle lines
Made my soup look fancier
Than Troy Groves sideburns

4/30/09 - Lenoir City, TN
Slept at the Presley's
And knowing what I know now
Would've stayed longer

5/01/09 - Kingsport, TN
A birthday surprise
John's barbecue feast made me
Feel like family

5/10/09 - Higley, AZ
Hot hot hot hot hot
Hot hot hot hot hot hot hot
Hot hot it is hot

5/16/09 - Richardson, TX
Great shows topped off by
Gorka and Susan Werner
Jumping in the pool

5/18/09 - Austin, TX
Return to high school
Just about as flattering
As I expected

5/19/09 - Pedernales, TX
After the show meal:
Brisket, Turkey and sausage
Rudy's BBQ
I love you

5/20/09 - Mo Ranch, TX
Did the best I could
Just trying to fill the shoes
Of David Lamotte

5/29/09 - Forrest City, AR
Like your collarbone?
I learned from Warren Barfield
Don't ride motorbikes

6/06/09 - Orlando, FL
Done early Friday
Sunk to a whole new level
Bowling by myself

6/18/09 - Atlanta, GA
Just ten years ago
I played this Atlanta Fest
It was hot then too

6/30/09 - St. Peters, MO
I've known Ben for years
But this day was the first with
Romantic bike rides

7/01/09 - Cornerstone Music Festival
When I play with friends
Not just any friends - these friends
I am filled with pride

7/05/09 - Lexington, KY
One reason I am
Glad for the Peasall Sisters
They sang the national anthem so I didn't have to because that would have been awful

7/31/09 - Hollywood, FL
A super fun show
But all I can think about
Are the long stoplights

8/01/09 - Oldsmar, FL
Post-show ping pong games
With great joy I watch Andrew
Barely beat a girl

8/02/09 - St. Petersburg, FL
Church is in the round
Can't decide which way to look
Guess I'll just stare down

8/14/09 - Lyons, CO
If it is true that
Second place is first loser
Then it's crying time

8/23/09 - Plainfield, IL
How am I to play
When that huge, yummy potluck
Is calling my name?

8/24/09 - Frankfort, KY
For today's soundcheck
I was in the Elkhorn Creek
Catching some small fish

8/28/09 - Auburn, CA
This might be a shock
I liked this show more than my
In-N-Out burger

9/08/09 - Huntsville, AL
"Want something to drink?"
"Get me what you get", I said
Wow. A pint of scotch?

9/15/09 - Covenant College
Dear couch at McKay's
Thank you for comforting me
While they looked at books

9/17/09 - Nashville, TN
If this was a fight
Me, Jill and Ashley Cleveland
Ashley wins hands down

9/25/09 - Lake Ann, MI
Retreat for women
But an on site disc golf course
Is my saving grace

9/27/09 - Traverse City, MI
The drive with Andy
Never thought when I made those
They'd be played in church

10/15/09 - Nashville, TN
Playing shows in bars
Picking best part is easy:
The part when I'm done

10/16/09 - Knoxville, TN
Chicken and waffles
And three Andys in bunkbeds
Who could ask for more?

10/17/09 - Charlotte, NC
Band on the marquis
Cake with the Andys on it
Who could ask for more?

10/18/09 - Atlanta, GA
Andys, smoke machines
And pumpkin carving contests
Who could ask for more?

10/23/09 - Nashville, TN
A Q&A time
Is much more unnerving when
You know everyone

10/30/09 - Memphis, TN
Hey ping pong players
l play quiet, sissy songs
So we can hear you

11/06/09 - Kissimmee, FL
I suggested bowling
Apparently that idea
Fell on four deaf ears

|

8-25-08 My Church FFL Draft

Sep-24,2008

(for those of you who don't know - FFL stands for Fantasy Football League)

I got the 12th pick
Started with Moss and Owens
So much for R.B.s

(Now, in hindsight)

Poor, poor Randy Moss
You were the top ranked W.R.
Now I would trade you straight up for Kurt stinking Warner

|

8-24-08 Maryville, TN

Sep-24,2008

You know what I love
About playing Sunday morn?
All the free donuts

|

8-9-08 Ft. Worth, TX

Sep-24,2008

Salmon, Shrimp and Grits
Now that's the way to follow
A great show with Pierce

|

8-1-08 Sugar Land, TX

Aug-10,2008

Dublin Dr.Pepper
Didn't know you existed
Until Jim gave me a couple of you to drink on the way home
Fantastic

|

7-31-08 Houston, TX

Aug-10,2008

Played the old Gibson
On "Nobody Wants To Work"
It fit the theme well

|

7-30-08 Tomball, TX

Aug-10,2008

It looked suspect but
I promise I didn't plan
A Garth Brooks encore

|

7-26-08 Bowling Green, KY

Aug-10,2008

Leftover desserts
The styrofoam containers
Filled up the front seat

|

6-30-08 Southeastern Youth Camp, AL

Jul-01,2008

Behind us on stage
The screen said "Love Forever"
Way, way too cheesy

|

6-26-08 Dandridge, TN

Jul-01,2008

Any time I want
To feel rock star-ish again
I will go back here
(Thanks)

|

6-22-08 Charlotte, NC

Jun-29,2008

In the fourth service
We added one to our band
The great Rick Harwell

|

6-7-08 Lakeville, MN

Jun-28,2008

At intermission
The three of us fought about
In ear monitors

|

6-6-08 Green Bay, WI

Jun-26,2008

Andrew got stuck on
"Dragons in the magic wood"
Very ironic

|

5-31-08 Lincoln, NE

Jun-26,2008

After the concert
Drove to Omaha to eat
Ted & Wally's awesome homemade ice cream

|

5-29-08 Thomasville, GA

Jun-26,2008

My kind of evening
First, house concert at the Sub
Then won poker game

|

5-28-08 Thomasville, GA (FBC)

Jun-26,2008

Sound check went just fine
But when the time comes to play
Who needs sound systems?

|

5-11-08 LEAF Festival - Asheville, NC

Jun-26,2008

Hula hoops and fire
Needless to say my son stared
At full attention

and

In between the shows
Slam poet competition
My new favorite thing

|

5-4-08 Oxford, GA

May-16,2008

I am short of breath
Never should have played soccer
With those third graders

(I am out of shape from testing all those fries)

|

5-3-08 Canton, GA

May-16,2008

I am short of breath
Never should have played dunkball
Against Ronzilla

|

4-26-08 Lawrenceville, GA

Apr-28,2008

Newlywed couple
I am sorry that your prize
Was just our CD

|

4-19-08 Olympia, WA

Apr-19,2008

I still don't get it
Why people don't laugh at my
"They Danced Alone" song

|

4-11-08 Nashville, TN - Lipscomb U.

Apr-12,2008

Friday night at 5
Weather is awesome outside
I almost didn't come to the show either

|

4-9-08 Winchester, TN

Apr-10,2008

Youth groups really love
Hearing about vomiting
Take my word for it

|

4-6-08 Powell, TN

Apr-07,2008

Time to open doors
Wait! I am still too busy
Scarfing down my food

|

4-5-08 Knoxville, TN

Apr-06,2008

Guitar to borrow?
Sure! Martins, Olsons and more
In bathroom closet

|

4-2-08 Jonesboro, AR

Apr-03,2008

I learned my lesson
Never challenge youth pastors
To a ping pong match

|

3-21-08 Jacksonville, FL

Mar-21,2008

Another new song
Next time I introduce it
I might not say "coke"

|

3-17-08 Waco, TX - Baylor University

Mar-17,2008

My contacts turned green
From the gross Waco water
Can't see past three feet

|

3-16-08 Waco, TX

Mar-16,2008

I must have been tired
To say "It was cold as hell"
With kids in the room

|

3-15-08 Cedar Rapids, IA

Mar-15,2008

We tried our hardest
Not to break down and cry when
Jody sang along

|

3-14-08 Newton, KS

Mar-14,2008

Singing a new song
Is even more exciting
Playing with the band

|

3-13-08 Elkhorn, NE

Mar-13,2008

What a special show
Intermission was well spent
Sharing communion

|

3-7-08 Taylors, SC

Mar-07,2008

Trip to the ER
Is horribly stressful from
Eight hours away

|

2-29-08 Bowling Green, KY

Feb-29,2008

We brought all three kids
I was still nursing the flu
What a great combo

|

2-24-08 College Station, TX

Feb-24,2008

Land of the Aggies
It was worth the trip to see
My old friend Ross King

|

2-23-08 Austin, TX

Feb-23,2008

When I said house show
I didn't mean my own house
It worked anyway

|

2-22-08 Cedar Park, TX

Feb-22,2008

Some good discussion
Happens between songs at the
Moss family home

|

2-21-08 Nashville, TN

Feb-21,2008

A debut concert
For Andy and the Andys
Sounds like a train wreck

|

2-17-08 Lafayette, IN

Feb-17,2008

Surely I am sick
To turn down more homemade pie
From Ben's kind mother

|

2-11-08 Omaha, NE

Feb-11,2008

Middle of nowhere
At least I had my good friend
Cubby Loverhead

|

2-10-08 Lincoln, NE

Feb-10,2008

Andrew had the flu
All of the coughing and snot
makes it hard to sing

|

2-2-08 Asheville, NC

Feb-02,2008

Full circle moment
Playing with David Wilcox
And Nance's backgrounds

|

1-1-08 Laity Lodge, TX

Jan-01,2008

If I wasn't sick
I might have joined in on
The polar bear club
(yeah right)

|

2007 Haiku Reviews

Dec-27,2007

12-16-07 Jacksonville, FL
Highlight of the tour
We were all witnesses to
A Ben Shive concert

and

Power out mid-song
Jill and Sara start dancing
As Cason performs

12-15-07 Augusta, GA
Cool old theater
Jill starts the stupid game of
Water on the shoes

12-14-07 Tampa, FL
More bus problems
Made Dan the Sound Man work hard
With late arrival

12-13-07 Nashville, TN
One thing is for sure
The great David Wilcox is
Quite animated

12-12-07 Charlotte, NC
Familiar faces
Watching us concentrate on
Games of Speed Scrabble

12-11-07 Birmingham, AL
It is an honor
To be joined by such greatness
As Allen Levi

12-10-07 Huntsville, AL
It was a dark day
Losing my disc golf crown to
Adam Steverson

12-09-07 Milford, OH
Impromptu solo
It was Osenga’s time to
Partake in roast beef

12-08-07 New Milford, CT
I found two treasures
Snooping around the high school
Washer and Dryer

12-07-08 Michigan City, IN
Troy and Sara left
Now we’re on the bus o’ boys
It smells like urine

12-06-07 Terre Haute, IN
Beside the highway
Pulling our luggage out of
The broken down bus

12-05-07 Huntsville, AL
Marraige Proposal
Always a good thing to see
Except when it is from someone in the audience to your wife

12-03-07 Austin, TX
Playing my hometown
Means me reconnecting with
Taco Cabana

12-02-07 Cordova, TN
Temptation was great
To climb up the singing tree
And we all succumbed

12-01-07 Richardson, TX
Inventing new games
Today it was “Throw The Mints”
As hard as you can

and

Knot on my forehead
Apparently Marcus missed
The rule about throwing the mints at people’s faces

11-30-07 Sugarland, TX
Phoenix from ashes
Like out of Oklahoma
And into Texas

11-29-07 Leawood, KS
I am not quite sure
If those BBQ Baked Beans
Could ever be beat
(outside of Texas of course)

and

Dear contact lenses
I don’t know how you did it
But requiring a prescription to buy extra contacts even in an “emergency” is absolutely ridiculous

11-28-07 Wasau, WI
A mighty return
To the place where Applebee’s
Is not quite so bad

11-27-07 Elkhorn, NE
O Sweet Bethany
The soup, the cookies, the love
Its good to be back

11-11-07 Atlanta, GA
From Aaron and Todd
To Scott’s elderly insults
It was a great show

11-10-07 Nashville, TN
A concert at home
Seems my kids got bored after
just 30 minutes

11-9-07 Naperville, IL
Every now and then
Jill says something she regrets
Like, “I hope we aren’t folking you to sleep”

11-8-07 Huntsville, AL
I like washing down
Some disc golf domination
With some folk music

or

Steverson Challenge
Ha! We should have just called it
Steverson Smackdown

11-3-07 Bridgeport, WV
Stunning countryside
I saw it courtesy of
A bad G.P.S.

10-28-07 Ruston, LA
You would be surprised
At how many churches have
An accordion

10-27-07 Richmond, VA
Though we’re not famous
It felt like paparazzi
With all those star lights

10-23-07 Amarillo, TX
Only in Texas
Would folks know my son’s namesake
Cowboy Ty Murray

10-21-07 Thomasville, GA
This church is lucky
To have Chet Atkin’s ghost for
A worship pastor

10-13-07 Olympia, WA
Another house show
My proudest contribution?
The cookie platter

9-23-07 Huntsville, AL
Someone said “You Suck”
In the middle of the show
But I asked for it

9-20-07 Nashville, TN
Remembering Rich
Meant hearing stories about
Petersons kissing

9-08-07 Tremont, IL
The combines were out
And harvest time means one thing:
Disc Golf Tournament

9-07-07 St. Charles, MO
I had two women
Ask me to go out with them
Ben’s Grandma and Aunt

9-02-07 Nashville, TN
Playing Wrecking Ball
Made a lot of sense before
Tearing down the place

8-31-07 Little Rock, AR
Like men at weddings
My electric gear sat there
With nothing to do

8-26-07 Omaha, NE
Proof that my movies
Have eclipsed my songwriting:
Requests for Ringo

8-12-07 Ocala, FL
Here is some advice
If you need stress in your life
Fly into Gainesville

7-27-07 Metarie, LA
Twas love at first sight
This was the night that I met
The Nintendo Wii

6-16-07 Hartland, WI
Tonight’s cheese song proved
Every solo is better
With played on kazoos

6-8-07 Conyers, GA
This was our last trip
As a family of four with
A big-bellied mom

6-2-07 Bonne Terre, MO
First state park concert8-12-07
Complete with my bronchitis
And peed pants stories

6-1-07 St.Louis, MO
Wonderful house show
Well, the house was wonderful
And there was a show

5-25-07 Naperville, IL
Wonderful venue
And great show were topped off by
Ted’s Montana Grill

5-23-07 Chicago, IL
Air Conditioning
Cooled rooms are overrated
I used to think that

5-13-07 Gothenburg, Sweden
We rushed through sound check
Then sprinted about a mile
To go see Hot Fuzz

and

It was mother’s day
I sent my wife a picture
Of the flowers they gave me after the show before I gave them away to the kind lady singing for erik

5-12-07 Huskvarna/Jonkoping, Sweden
After the sound check
I tried the swedish thrift store
But it had just closed

5-11-07 Sundbyberg, Sweden
Jet lag finally comes
Almost drool on my guitar
Sleeping through two songs

5-10-07 Norrkoping, Sweden
Sounds like NOR-SHER-PING
Its still hard to make jokes here
However you say it

5-9-07 Orebro, Sweden
Late morning bike ride
First show with Erik and Ted
I have two sore legs

5-5-07 San Diego, CA
Pad in the city
If it wasn’t for these kids
I would be cool too

5-4-07 LaMesa, CA
So good to be back
But gone was the green room where
I would watch football

4-29-07 Winchester, TN
Must have missed the sign
So we were late for sound check
And the potluck feast

4-28-07 Dalton, GA
I am having more kids
So we can someday compete
With Earl’s bluegrass band

4-24-07 Knoxville, TN
Mullet song requests
I guess they’ll have to wait for
The new new city

4-22-07 Chattanooga, TN
Church bathroom shower
Washing off poison ivy
Before the concert

4-21-07 Lawrenceville, GA
Tonight’s opener
Comedy with Faith Hill song
“I can smell you breathe”

4-20-07 Columbia, SC
All downhill from here
When the opener is a
Banjo champion

4-19-07 Mooresville, NC
You better drive slow
Or in the dark you might miss
This camouflaged church

4-11-07 Jonesboro, AR
“This is horrible”
Heard at Left Behind movies
And tonight, my show

3-21-07 LaMirada, CA - Biola University
Right after the show
We raced two hundred meters
To my victory

3-17-07 Chesapeake, VA
Yet another first
Walk out on stage following
The voice of Jafar

3-11=07 Amarillo, TX
Free advertising
Four Larrivees on the stage
But no endorsements?

3-9-07 Dallas, TX
1:30 a.m.
A young girl plays in ash tray
Taco cabana
(yummy)
(no - I mean it. The food was yummy.)

3-7-07 Baylor University Chapel Waco, TX
Quote of the morning
“Really, Jill, I think of you
In all sorts of ways”

3-6-07 Waco, TX
Mighty house concert
This place brings me pasta bake
And Jill - allergies

3-1-07 Bowling Green, KY
Just like basketball
Mandolin comes to the games
Then just rides the pine

2-26-07 Memphis, TN
Much like my stardom
That feedback you’re hearing?
Imagination

2-22-07 Orlando, FL
Beautiful weather
Much better than years ago
With the alpacas

2-21-07 Leesburg, FL
Good looking cheesecake
Of course, I gave up desserts
This first day of lent

2-18-07 Monument, CO
A house full of folks,
Enchalada casserole
And legend, Don Lash

2-17-07 Colorado Springs, CO
Glen eyrie castle
Ancient architecture and
Seventies decor

2-16-07 Castle Rock, CO
The lengthy concert
Was nothing compared to the
Drive through the snow storm

2-11-07 North Augusta, SC
When no one could see
I would sneak up the stairs for
Volunteer donuts

2-10-06 Augusta, GA
Thong on a clothesline
A first time for everything
And, I hope, the last

1-27-07 Asheville, NC
Men sharing feelings
So whatever happened to
That drum beating stuff?

1-24-07 Laity Lodge, TX
What a big sissy
I found myself tearing up
At poetry night

1-5-07 Colorado Springs, CO
You get some eggs and
Way too much information
From the omelet chef

|

2006 Haiku Reviews

Dec-27,2006

12-15-06 Taylors, SC
Last day of the tour
Full of more boggle frenzy
And prayers for Todd’s back

12-14-06 Charlotte, NC
Intervention time?
Boggle is quickly getting
Way out of control

12-12-06 Westerville, OH
Don’t drink the green punch
Andrew’s dropping cookie crumbs
into the punch bowl

12-10-06 Jacksonville, FL
In the mission house
You can see Eric Peters’
Sinking battleship

12-9-06 Orlando, FL
Just like the old days
Jonathan and Amanda
Singing BGVs

12-8-06 Fayetteville, GA
The land of dickens
“Andrew Peterson Concert”
In british accents

12-7-06 Huntsville, AL
Late night Wendy’s run
I do my best to act as
Nerd Face counselor

12-6-06 Nashville, TN
Mr. Pierce Pettis
Expose us as amateurs
With “That Kind of Love”

12-5-06 Cookeville, TN
Tour bus illnesses
The new victim of the day?
Sandra McCracken

12-3-06 Cincinnati, OH
I left the sound check
To catch the Titans and their
Sixty yard field goal

12-2-06 Northfield, IL
Like Pandora’s box
There was no turning back from
Opening Boggle

12-1-06 Elkhorn, NE
A marvelous day
Wall ball, hot cookies, pizza
And a great massage

11-28-06 Augusta, KS
Historical fact
Eric Peters looks just like
Apostle Phillip

11-27-06 Houston, TX
Andrew Osenga
Please don’t go and leave me with
Electric guitar

11-26-06 Houston, TX
Every tour begins
With a last minute trip to
A guitar center

11-18-06 Berrien Springs, MI
Who cares ‘bout CDs?
Everybody just wanted
A Klektar T-Shirt

11-12-06 Traverse City, MI
Any church that has
Croissandwiches and the Rock
Is my kind of church

11-5-06 Opelika, AL
Image burned on brain
After hearing Kevin talk
About vomiting

11-5-06 Auburn, AL
We brought our two kids
But could not keep their hands off
The chocolate doughnuts

11-3-06 Dayton, OH
Dear Mr. thief man
Thanks for adding to my life
Three months of paperwork

10-27-06 Lincoln, NE
Cramps in my stomach
The result of dessert then
Ultimate frisbee

10-22-06 Gulf Shores, AL
Just like a ghost town
Almost all the restaurants closed
In this off season

10-19-06 Point Lookout, MO
Dinner at the lodge
Was followed by a surprise
Marvin’s flat tire

10-14-06 Durham, NC
How did I prepare?
With a pre-show ping pong game
Kicking Page’s butt

10-13-06 Greensboro, NC
The people were great
The conference concert was great
My headache was not

10-12-06 Johnson City, TN
Hike in the mountains
See the ninja like powers
Hitoshi displays

10-6-06 Boston, MA (Gordon Conwell Inaguration)
I don’t wear suits much
How was I to know it had
A hole in the back

9-30-06 Madison, TN
I can’t just say no
To a tray from Chick-Fil-A
With nuggets on it

9-29-06 Knoxville, TN
Little did we know
That this would be our last time
In this new city

9-10-06 Atlanta, GA
Handing out ear plugs
Here comes the opening act
High school marching band

9-7-06 Augusta, KS
Familiar faces
Familiar Andrew beat-down
At ping pong table

9-7-06 Friends University
When sound problems come
It just means many more trips
Up that darn ladder

9-6-06 Wichita, KS
I’ve played many shows
But never have I seen such
Mounted monitors

9-1-06 Muskegon, MI
Labor day weekend
Where even the small ice cream
Is big as your face

8-27-06 Cary, NC
Here I am again
Another women’s event
Treated like a king

8-25-06 Little Rock, AR

Is it really true
That our Legacy hotel
Has Bill Clinton fame?

8-22-06 SPA Show Nashville, TN

Let us just pretend
All of that feedback we heard
Was angels singing

8-13-06 – 8-18-06 Centricity Retreat, WA

Listening to Mark
Feeling a bit self conscious
About my web skills

And

A tip for restaurants:
When you have a large party
It would be helpful to be able to cook more than two steaks at a time

8-11-06 Leitchfield, KY

Party animals
Rocking the acoustic stage
Until 1 A.M.

8-10-06 Lafayette, IN

What a perfect day
Some homemade enchiladas
And then some Putt Putt

7-29-06 Kingsport, TN

Ben’s dad was with us
So we celebrated with
Some Narnian food

7-19-06 Opelika, AL

“Iffy” car AC
Alabama in July
Not a good combo

7-18-06 Birmingham, AL

Chuck lays down the law
With a suit and tie he says
“No loud kids allowed”

7-16-06 Camp Greystone, NC

I do not fit in
I’m a guy with no white clothes
But you welcome me

7-5-06 Southeastern Youth Camp, AL

Saxophone player
Serenading me after
Delayed fireworks

7-1-06 Denver, CO

Questions in a van
What else could be more fun for
A bachelor party

6-3-06 thru 6-7-06 Lake Saranac, NY

Best of twenty five
I won the ping pong tourney
Thirteen – eleven

And

Burning ring of Fire
We were to sand volleyball
As Armstrong to bikes

And

I’m sorry Kristen
I wrongfully blamed you for
An atomic sneeze

5-21-06 Rural Hall, NC

Come at your own risk
Especially if you sit
By the sound man’s tent

5-12-06 Pickerington, OH

It’s impossible
To keep playing through the song
When Mark is laughing

5-4-06 Jackson, TN

What do I recall
From this benefit concert?
The turtle chex mix

4-30-06 Maine Correctional Institute

Lunch with the ladies
That orange stuff on the plate there?
Not sweet potatoes

4-29-06 Lewiston, ME

So nice to meet you
Hitoshi Yamaguchi
Want to play cello?

4-28-06 Chapel Hill, NC

North Carolina
We just cant sound check without
Singing James Taylor

And

After the concert
Look out for the asbestos
Right by the pancakes

4-21-06 Little Rock, AR

High stage, low ceiling
Now I finally know what
Lionel Richie meant

4-10-06 Birmingham, AL

How insensitive
First, I make the women cry
Then I laugh at them

4-08-06 Louisville, KY

A strange rehearsal
That’s what I call any show
During a dinner

4-07-06 Flint, MI

Dear Jill Barnett’s mom,
All that cooking and selling?
You should get a raise.

and

Achatz Bakery
My wife totally freaked out
When a guy in the airport on the way home almost sat on the pie box.

(p.s. – you keep bringing the pies – and the haikus will never stop)

4-01-06 Chattanooga, TN

Not for the money
I drove down here to this show
For the free ice cream

3-24-06 Charlotte, NC

Just like a sore thumb
I really stick out in a
Crowd of smart people

3-18-06 Marion, IL

Sing - loud as you can
That’s what you have to do when
Monitors don’t work

3-12-06 Summit, NJ

Playing for you guys
I’m reminded that I am
The old guy with kids

3-10-06 Watchung, NJ

Watchung Arts Center
With a great room and small crowd
Who needs sound systems?

3-01-06 Nashville, TN

With Cason, Ekberg
Osenga and Milligan
Eric rocks the house

2-25-06 Winchester TN Youth Winter Retreat

Oh those poor, poor kids
Eating food off plexi-glass
And through panty-hose

2-22-06 Baylor University Chapel

Today’s life lesson
Don’t steal music off the net
Just old ladies’ cars

2-21-06 Woodway, TX

Andrew scanned the crowd
Made sure the kids were gone for
The R Rated Part

2-07-06 Dallas, TX

Singing and Burping
Don’t eat Texadelphia
Right before the show

2-06-06 Bakersfield, CA

In and Out Burger
Even though I’m not hungry
I will still eat you

1-29-06 Miami, FL

Sold out of Cds
I think I sell twice as much
When twins sell the merch

1-27-06 Asheville, NC

Two different free times
Me – I hang out with grandma
You – with Billy Graham

1-03-06 Nashville, TN

Promises broken
“We will be back home by ten”
Poor babysitter

1-01-06 Clermont, FL

The hotel lobby
Not my favorite place to be
When the apple drops

|

2005 Haiku Reviews

Dec-27,2005

12-31-05 Clermont, FL

Racist guy in Target
If you were not an old man in a little mechanical shopping cart
Ben might have punched you

12-18-05 Trussville, AL

Poor green room RV
You offered your lovely space
But nobody came

12-16-05 Milford, OH

Popcorn or puke
An odor confuses me
In the nursery hall

And

Who fixed that dinner?
If I win the lottery
Live in my kitchen

12-15-05 Johnson City, TN

Burning jealousy
Why else would Andrew and Gabe
Burn our Sudoku

And

Red and White bags
So surprised you are full of
Chicken Salad

And

Large dry erase board
You solved what we once thought was
Unsolvable

12-14-05 Ocala, FL

Frostbitten fingers
Hay plus December plus outside plus alpacas plus nativity scenes plus humidity equals
A memorable show

12-11-05 Nashville, TN

Cry for hours
The only way to respond
When Pierce teases
(Just kidding Pierce if you are reading this)

then

A rock star bassist
From now on that’s how I will
Set my guitar strap

12-10-05 Bowling Green, KY

Sorry Andrew P.
While busy with Sudoku
We missed our intro

12-09-05 West Mifflin, PA

Oh Corner Pocket
Your rough edges plus Knockout
Equaled a hurt thigh

12-08-05 Colorado Springs, CO

Seven folks tonight
Said altitude was the cause
For their flatulence

12-05-05 Chattanooga, TN

The three wheeled bike
Sandra kept interrupting
Our shuffleboard games

12-04-05 Midland, MI

Blue iced cookies
The red dot is for Midland
Michigan’s heart

And for the kind folks who drove down the huge bag full of pies from Troy… …

Four Berry Pie
Forget the ziplock pockets
Now - tupperware

12-03-05 Cedar Rapids, IA

Snow covered roads
We would have walked through that snow
To meet with the queen

12-02-05 Elkhorn, NE

The great dodgeball game
With Marcus here on my team
We’re undefeated

12-01-05 Michigan City, IN

Behind the stage props
Christian graffiti tells us
That Aslan Rules

11-19-05 Cottonwood, AZ

A bowl of bacon
Kay really knows how to get
Straight to a man’s heart

11-12-05 Lakeland, FL

One-thirty A.M
Finally I beat Andrew
At a ping pong game

10-28-05 Ann Arbor, MI

Ben broke his glasses
It was a small price to pay
To enter chaos

10-16-05 Amarillo, TX

I was scared to death
I did not want to be tazed
By the sentinels

10-14-05 Amarillo, TX

Women’s conferences
The best party you can crash
For good desserts

9-25-05 Murfreesboro, TN

Free Donuts
Half of the jelly one in Adie’s mouth
The rest on her shirt

9-12-05 Charlotte, NC

Neighborhood concerts
Balloon artists and popcorn stands
Are hard to compete with

9-1-05 Charleston, SC

When I die
Cover me with that dry rub
You put on that pork

8-27-05 Muskegon, MI

How appropriate
Not sure how to take being booked
On “no frills” weekend

8-24-05 Jonesboro, AR

It was an honor
To play a house concert for
The cast of Kamp Kill

8-20-05 Trussville, AL

Drunk David Lee Roth
That is what Travis looked like
During his rock show

8-13-05 Reno, NV

I am rebellious
I promise I didn’t know
No sandals on stage

8-07-05 Green Bay, WI

I can’t help myself
I like forcing the audience
To watch my kids

7-17-05 Rapid City, SD

There at Mount Rushmore
A Bird was making its home
In Roosevelt’s nose

7-05-05 SEYC – AL

The Middle Finger
I need to be more careful
Talking with my hands

6-30-05 Warner Robins, GA

Christian Festival
When you mix in Chik-Fil-A Mascot
You get a holy cow

6-18-05 West Mifflin, PA

Just like Y2K
I was ready and prepared
But nothing happened

6-11-05 Troy, MI

Four Berry Pie
I wish my pockets were made by ziplock
For I would take you with me everywhere

6-10-05 Monroe, MI

Kleenex and oil
These are just some of the things on stage
At a full gospel church

6-9-05 Terre Haute, IN

Stories about Ray Boltz
There is no better way to prepare
For rocking the house

5-28-05 Collegedale, TN

The frightened sound man yells,
“Please don’t let that kid play with that microphone”
As it falls 5 feet to the ground
Sorry*

*extra line added for apology reasons only. I know it is not proper Haiku form**

** I am not claiming that any of these other “poems” are proper Haiku form***

*** Get off my back

5-14-05 Sdr. Felding, Denmark

Peace and Thank You
I only know two Danish words
Tak and Fred

4-29-05 Nashvile, TN (Sounds Game)

The rain threatens
So many free hot dogs
So little time

4-27-05 Nashville, TN (Belmont U)

It’s great to be back
Apparently both of the people at the show
Feel the same way

4-23-05 Santa Fe, NM

A Traveler’s Paradise
Of course this was the first show in 7 years I could not accompany Jill on
Can you tell I am bitter

4-17-05 – Santa Fe, TX

The 80s Rock Band
Me with electric guitar
And Ben Shive on drums

4-9-05 – Barrington Hills, IL

Some money well spent
It was worth all of those big tithes
For those cool windows

4-2-05 – Point Lookout, MO

Branson, Missouri
You’re the home of Hard Work U
And Yakov Smirnoff

3-2-05 – Memphis, TN

Mysterious Rash
All over Drew’s face and arms
From the Hotel sheets

2-28-05 – Memphis, TN

Rendezvous Ribs
The parking garage is full
Of your aroma

2-23-05 – Augusta, KS

Upon the wall
There are pictures of a 110 pound little kid
Named Andy Peterson

2-18-05 – Winterville, NC

Krispy Kreme
The one thing I can always count on
At womens conferences

2-16-05 – Jackson, TN

First time at Union
I try to impress everyone with
Instruments I did not play

2-13-05 – Houston, TX

Just because I said
Along Came Polly was awesome
It does not mean I liked it

1-27-05 – Asheville, NC

Faith like a child
It will not get you past the gate
At the Cove

1-16-05 – Valparaiso, IN

After the show
Smell of Fazzoli’s Breadstick
Make stomach grumble

|

2004 Haiku Reviews

Dec-12,2004

12-12-04 – Nashville, TN

Ryman Auditorium
Proof that Andrew Peterson
Is a country singer
 11-21-04 – Toledo, OH

Detroit Airport
Never trust Matt and Pat
With parking ticket

11-20-04 – Lubbock, TX

People Mover
John will lead the way
To Amarillo

11-14-04 – New Port Richey, FL

Second Time Around
Peter Gabriel and George Carlin combine
In worship leader

11-10-04 – Virginia Beach, VA

Potato Buffet
Your spud varieties were appetizers
For the Dessert table

11-06-04 – Knoxville, TN

Offensive songs
To not offend anyone in particular
Offend everyone equally

11-05-04 – Atlanta, GA

Drum Set
My son is growing up
To be Neal Pert

10-26-04 – Gainesville, FL

Campus House
A new dwelling is coming
To replace the meat locker

10-25-04 – Jacksonville, FL

Listening Post Cafe
A small stage is overshadowed
By super cool menus

10-24-04 – New Port Richey, FL

Gladiator Costume
I try you on to the sound
Of a clap offering

10-23-04 – Kissimmee, FL

Ping Pong
You tempt me to play you
During first encore

10-22-04 – Jacksonville, FL

Sound Board
You proved to be as difficult
As my pedal board

10-08-04 – Collegedale, TN

Dear Adventists
Please excuse the chicken
In my canneloni

10-1-04 – Knoxville, TN

New City
In the silence of the show
I hear Dierks Bentley

9-26-04 – La Mesa, CA

Journey
Like a Rod Kaya headset mic
You are a close friend

9-19-04 – Lincoln, NE

Klektar
Always in a timely manner
He protects us

9-18-04 – Derby, KS

On Stage
I play my guitar staring
At the basketball goal

9-17-04 – St. Joseph, MO

Ms. Tomato Soup
Without your vocals
Foreigner is nothing

9-06-04 - Athens, TN

Mayfield Factory
Must wear hairnet
To protect popsicles

8-27-04 Jonesboro, AR

Olympic Song
Now I remember why
I quit playing you

|

AndyGullahorn.com

The Official Site For Everything You Never Wanted To Know About Andy Gullahorn